I’ve always liked being around old people. There was something about them that I knew only came with age. Perhaps it was their wisdom metered out in coded messages. Old ladies loved to say things like, "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, and a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." Those words made no sense as a kid, but as a married woman, I can testify to the truth behind those sayings. Perhaps the words made no sense because there was no context surrounding them. When I was a child, children were not allowed to be around grown-ups when company was visiting. We were ushered outside to play, so the snatches of conversations I overheard always felt like something forbidden.
As a teenager, I would quietly hang out along the periphery of adult gatherings and overhear conversations that exposed how difficult it was to be a woman, to retain one’s dignity, and how much a woman sacrificed for her family.
As a young adult, I was fully immersed in the adult gatherings. I was free to laugh aloud, ask questions, or sit quietly as I witnessed pain move through the teller’s body at the retelling of an event. Most of the stories shared were funny, but there were times when the person telling one story inadvertently transitioned into a tragic one.
Now, as an elder myself, I wish I had written down some of the stories I heard because my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents are dead. A treasure trove of information, wisdom, and understanding died with them. That’s why I love history and reading about how we, as a people, have survived the hardships thrown at us. Old people, the ones that some look at and think don’t know anything or didn’t make anything of their life, are vessels of wisdom. At the very least, old people have survived the consequences of their choices and what life has thrown at them. In my soon-to-be-published book, Rolling In The Deep, an old woman is comforting someone as they grieve the loss of a loved one. Here is an excerpt from that conversation:
“When you get to be my age, you lose a lot of people that you loved.
It doesn’t get easier. I always say that getting old ain’t for the faint of heart.
You got to be strong to be as old as me because life gets real hard. There’s a
piece of scripture that helps me when I get to feeling bad. I can’t tell where
it is in the bible, but it’s here.” Lottie thumped her chest twice and continued.
“It’s here…Count it all joy. Even though we don’t have him with us
now, wasn’t it a blessing to have him at all? Count it all joy, the good times,
and the bad times. We’ll get through this because we know he would want us to keep on living. One day, you’ll be able to talk about him and be surprised that you’re laughing instead of crying. Then you’ll be able to Count it all joy.”
When she finally stopped speaking, he didn’t respond because there was nothing he could say. He tried to make sense of what she was saying, but grief wouldn’t allow him to find joy in the passing of a loved one.
Lottie is a minor character in the story. She is an old lady who sits on her porch and watches her neighbors. Most people would think she is a nosy old woman whose life is over. Perhaps some would say that she didn’t make anything of her life because she lives in a neighborhood that most people would want to move out of. But they would be wrong. Lottie has lived a full life, owns her home, raised her children, and has fallen in love again, even though she knows time is not on her side.
So, if you have an older person in your life, talk to them and learn their story. Learn about their struggles, how they survived, and what they achieved. Perhaps you will understand yourself more by learning more about them. Knowing what they have overcome may give you the strength you need to keep going, and by all means, share that knowledge with the young people in your life.
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