Something in me refuses to let me lay down and give up. Perhaps it was passed on to me by an unknown African who was captured, shackled, and placed on a slave ship. Or the African that picked cotton from dawn to dusk, or the one that cleaned the big house, wet nursed the Marse’s children, survived rape, beating, near starvation, and all the dehumanizing atrocities of slavery. For some Black women, our strength can also be a burden. When a woman has to be strong all the time, inside and outside her home, some of us lose the soft parts of ourselves. Every day before we step outside the safe havens of our homes, we slip on a protective armor that has become a part of us. Some of us are so intense in our efforts not to be pierced by the daily onslaught of racial bigotry that we forget to hang up our armor when we’re at home or in the company of friends.
I would describe myself as strong, opinionated, and loud. I have heard others say that I’m mean. People who don’t know me could jump to that conclusion if they were only looking at the mask I wear. My exterior may be tough, but not my heart; I think of myself as kind. There are times when I’m quiet and listen. I’m learning in my latter years the value of listening to what others say. I understand now that my opinion is not required on every subject. But my strength is something that I have carried with me for so long that I don’t know if I can put it down even to rest.
This belief or feeling that I must be strong in every situation is becoming too much to bear. My mind and body are telling me to slow down and rest. Many of my friends are dealing with health issues directly related, I believe, to being strong women. These women have been the backbone of their families, putting everyone else’s happiness and well-being before their own. They have given of themselves until there is almost nothing left to give, and still, they give.
If you are a strong woman who thinks you can’t stop being who you are, you don’t have to. Being strong is an asset, but you don’t have to be strong “24/7.” Create a place within your home where you can rest. Rest can take many forms. Writing, quilting, and reading are some ways I maintain my peace. Joining the gym, going for walks, and meeting up with friends are other ways to relax and enjoy life. Sometimes, I sit in the backyard and let the sun's warmth recharge my soul.
Being strong has a price, especially if you ignore the warning signs. Continue to be who you are, who you were built to be, but remember to care for yourself just as much as you care for others.
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